Lesson plans

so the adventure is still alive and well. a little too much adventure can cause one to lose their mind and leave site for a lil bit. this is what i had to do not too long ago. let`s just say i met someone who i`m crushin on but who frustrates the hell out of me!!! i had to leave, reflect, recollect and now ya boy is back in the game!

i hate travelling. is that a good thing to say when you`re so far away from the states? well, i just don`t like travelling a lot. there, that`s better. i mean i like seeing the sights and the new faces but i just feel like i`m missing out on stuff going on in my community. i mean, i really did need this break, but i missed my community a lot while i was away. i missed a bday party at the principal`s house, missed classes, missed fam time. i missed a lot in two days being away from site. i missed being in site too. i missed being with my people.

this dude i met is real cool. i can`t say too much about him because he`s not out. has never done anything with a guy... but the interest is there. i see that. the thing is can i elevate my game to really pull this off? or will this be like some other crushes that kinda just crumble? that`s why i love this adventure and hate it at the same time. i can`t just run off to my group of friends and get their advice because not too many people in site know that i`m gay and none of my friends in the states know this guy nor the culture. its just hard to get advice and kinda figure things out on your own. the only people i have told about him are peace corps volunteers. trying to get their input. they have been real helpful! i rely on them a lot these days. i mean i do have gay friends in site but i can`t tell them because this dude is not out and if other people in my site find out, it definitely won`t happen. that word patience comes into play again. i have to remain patient. focus on being successful in my job.

in my job description it says that the people of paraguay come first. i gotta put paraguay ahead of my personal needs and desires. but i put it like this: how can i be successful in my job, project, community, whatever, if i am not personally invested? If i am not feeling the work that i am doing or am feeling detached from my community, how can i run a successful project? i`m not saying that i`m putting paraguay on the back burner and my personal needs in the forefront, but i feel like they kinda go hand-in-hand. i don`t know. i`m not putting all my eggs in one basket as i used to do. i`m learning how to have fun and just talk to a bunch of different people... but i`m rooting for this guy...

Stephen.